There is a fine line between Bhuddism and me, and a fine line between iPhones and insanity

1. Interviewer: Find a globe.
Me: There is no globe.
Interviewer: Spin it.
Me: There is no globe.
Interviewer: What does it say?
Me: There is no globe!
2. Interviewer: Find a book.
Me: There is no book.
Interviewer: Turn to page 53, line 3, word, 6. What is it?
Me: There is no word!
3. Interviewer: What can you hear right now?
Me: I cannot truly hear anything now, as I have not achived nirvana. My ears are only figments of my imagination, a demonstration of the stubborness of human nature. There are no sounds.
4. Interviewer: Have a conversaition with the closest living thing besides yourself.
Me: There are no living things.
5. Interviewer: Turn the TV on. What show is it?
Me: There is no TV.
6. Interviewer: Type your name with your elbow.
Me: I have no name.
7. Interviewer: Stand up. Close your eyes. Spin around three times. Open your eyes. What do you see?
Me: I cannot truly see anything now, as I have not achived nirvana. My eyes are only figments of my imagination, a demonstration of the stubborness of human nature. There are no sights.
8. Interviewer: If you could be anyone from Warriors who would you be?
Me: There are no warriors. Warriors cannot achive nirvana.
9. Interviewer: Find the third letter of all your answers. Underline them. What do they spell?
Me: There are no answers.
10. Interviewer: Apologize to your readers.
Me: There are no readers!
11. Interviewer: Indeed, I doubt most could put up with you. Still, you should thank them -
Me: There is no them!
12. Interviewer: You are being difficult!
Me: There is no difficult; there is only your perception of difficult, which is relative from infinite but fleeting moment to infinite but fleeting moment. There is no clear line between you and me. There is no interviewer. Go away.
13. Interviewer: No! You can't make me dissolve and scatter to the four winds! You can't do this! I'm the head wizard of the society of wizards! You're not allowed to melt me! What's in this?
Me: Soapsuds.
14. Interviewer: Soapsuds! That's demeaning! You can't do this to me! You'll see! You can't melt a wizard foreve...

Oversized Squirrel: Phew. That got rid of the interviewer! Now for the witnesses...
Me: THERE IS NO SQUIRREL.
Oversized Squirrel: Huh?
Me: THERE IS NO SQUIRREL THERE IS NO SQUIRELL THERE IS NO SQUIRREL THERE IS NO SQUIRELL -
OS: *turns into OS X*
Me: There is no OS X there is no OS X there is an iPhone
OS X: *turns into iPhone*
Me: Cool!