DO NOT READ THIS POST WHILE EATING - title: dear Alex

When I read the comment from Alex on my "disclaimer" I was torn in between not publishing it and being really nasty. Since if you present me with two choices and ask which I'd like I pick the third, I decided I'd be passive/aggressive but appear to be polite, i. e. by publishing the comment which really offended me:

sorry, but this is kind of a raining noodles ripoff...?

But that's the extent of the politeness - I'm going all-out, refined-uranium-bomb, brute force, flame-war-starting NASTY (something that DOES NOT look like ketchup drips from the word at this point), because I had no idea one sentence could destroy my little happy place I had built, like a shrine, around my blog.

So let's attack it point by a-bomb - force point. Backwards. In no particular order. No, backwards. No, lack of particular orders is FUN FUN FUN. So let's do that.

DEAR ALEX,
I was highly offended when your comment arrived at my inbox. You see, I had actually built myself a little of that odd thing called self esteem, and wasn't very happy when your tactless comment scattered all that to the winds. I am very surprised I am not binging on chocolate right now and in search of a cat (comfort factors) but if I end up doing so, the bill's on you. Why? Well, here's a point-by-point of what exactly you did so wrong and why you made me cry, along with plentiful verbal abuse (i. e. Reducing you to Tatters by the Vicious Lashings of my Extremely Pointed Tongue), point by point, by point. By point...:

"THIS IS A KIND OF RAINING NOODLES RIPOFF"

What a question! Perhaps the fact that the title contains the word "raining"? (I indeed did want to do a title with the word raining in it in tribute to her, but that was the extent of it, blockhead extraordinaire!!) Surely since she used that word in her blog, she must own the word! And I suppose following that same logic, I can't eat noodles either? Or name MP3 players?

Or maybe it's the fact that I sync all styled text to match my blog colors, like *gasp* Angelique does. Well guess what bud. You do it too. Does that mean I can visit your blog (which I did to get material for this bashing) and say, you are a raining noodles ripoff?

Oh no! It must be the fact that this is a diary of sorts, a reservoir of chicken noodle soup (actually I prefer tomato) for one's soul! Because of course only Angelique can have a nice big reservoir of chicken noodle soup, which, FYI, I think you just put all that horse manure in. Yes, that big clod. Right there. Here's the net. Scoop it out and reap your own foul harvest.
Maybe this is news to you: just because someone says/does/thinks something, doesn't mean they own it. Just because I exclaim MONKEY! randomly doesn't mean I was the first to do it (thought that is under serious and earnest dispute). Just because you like, say, potatoes, doesn't mean you can forbid everyone else to like potatoes because, Oh dear!, you like them.

"SORRY"

This, in my opinion, was the worst bit, the crusher, the I-can't-believe-you-did-that. What, you are asking, exactly did I do? Well, you threw up a smokescreen of politeness so that if I persecuted you you could point to that and whine, "but I was polite!" I don't know if you did it intentionally and I don't care. As far as I'm concerned you're mean and you do everything bad intentionally.

"?"

Ooh! Bad move, this is almost as bad as the "sorry". Why? You left it up to me to decide if I was a ripoff or not, and it's been eating me viciously ever since I received the email. You really hurt my feelings, bud, and you know, you should think twice about doing stuff like that. Karma and all will make your life a misery if I have any luck. Maybe the Lords of Karma will even send a Walker! (see Dianna Wynne Jones' book Conrad's Fate)

IN CONCLUSION

You are evil.

So, now that you know what you did wrong, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!

As (relatively) sincerely as always,
Cosima"Cat" Rose.